The History of Words..."Edward"

As some of you may know my name is Edward Morrow. I have often wondered where my first name might have originated from. After extensive research I found the origins were a bit fuzzy at first but became clear after speaking with several world renowned historians at The University of Phoenix Online.
First and foremost, the word ward comes from the Latin for watchmen or guardian.
The more difficult task was finding the history behind ed, which lead to some very interesting discoveries. Ed come from E.D. which we all know is short for erectile dysfunction. The interesting part is that this was originally diagnosed in 1278 A.D.
In 1478 a massive outbreak of E.D. occurred in Wales. Women revolted and claimed the men were possessed so all men diagnosed with E.D. were exiled to several "camps" where they resided until they died or could achieve an erection. Usually death was the sentence served.
To retain anonymity the guards were all given the same names so that anyone who was released from the "camps" could not seek retributive for there imprisonment. The were first call the Erectile dysfunction guardians later shortened to Edward. The surrounding towns called the inmates Eddie for the common chants of Erectile dysfunction is death. Lastly the guards frequently called the inmates Ed.
I am not proud of the origins of my name, but I do enjoy the colorful history that precedes it.

Almost everything in this post is a lie.