Peculiar Recountings

I'll Be Back...........

2009-01-07T01:03:00.001-05:00

I know my fans have been missing me over the past few months, but I will be back soon. It has been a crazy few months. Being on the campaign trail with Obama was grueling. But now that we are assured at least 4 years of increasing government intervention I have some time to relax....

*By fans I mean Mom and Jenn

*I know, "I'll be back" is from Terminator and the photo is from T2.(get a life)

*Okay, I was not on the campaign trail with Obama.

*Okay, government intervention may not increase but it sure as hell won't decrease!

I OWN GOOGLE.....

2008-05-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

I bought my first stock today. It was a shining moment in my life. I am calling my new stock Luanda. Luanda and I have spent alot of time together over the years. She is always there to help me find what I am looking for. Her ability deliver messages and record my thoughts and ideas is unprecedented. I have never met anyone so good at geography, or keeping my schedule up to date. Would you believe she also keeps and edits my photos for me.

Luanda is a one of a kind. I love her so much.

VOTING IN THE PRIMARIES....

2008-05-06T11:13:00.004-05:00

This morning I left the house at 6:15. Polls opened at 6:30 and I had to be at work by 7:30. There was no line, I was there 15 minutes tops. No complaints right? No I have complaints.

This was the first primary that I have ever voted in. I could have voted in two others but I just didn't care at the time. I did have a few issues with the process and in general.

*They didn't require my ID.
When grandma finally found my name (5 minutes) she
pointed right at it and asked what my address was. I
personally can't think of a more sure fire way to verify
my claim to be myself then asking me my address while
pointing at it. Any Tom, Dick, or even Harriet could vote
with my name by simply being able to read English. If my
address were in Spanish that would open up another can
of worms.(I know my address would be the same in Spanish)

*You have to vote straight ticket.
Now this in no way pertained to me but....Lets say there was a viable third party candidate running for President. If I wanted to vote for him or her(probably not a her) then I would be unable to vote for any other offices. It would be President and Bond Referendums.
*What does my religion have to do with it?
I am registered Unaffiliated or UNA. This was highlighted so that they would know to ask me which party I am voting for. "None of your frigging business" I said, no not really. When grandma read the UNA she said "I'm sorry I need to ask someone about this" what I said. You are a Unitarian, no I'm Baptist but I am registered Unaffiliated.

*All the volunteers could have voted for Truman.
I have no real point here.

PET PEEVES: COMIC BOOK EDITION....

2008-05-01T11:24:00.006-05:00

Let me preface this by telling you that I am not, I repeat, not a comic book reader. I never have been and I never will be. On the other hand I am a big fan of movies and an even bigger fan of movies that are based on comic books. That being said, I have noticed something that "kinda sorta" irritates me.

When Peter Parker obtained "spidey" powers he worked and worked to get those powers under control. He fell of buildings, he broke a lamp and he couldn't keep paper from sticking to his hands.

Two movies later.....In walks or should I say slithers some space goop to conveniently turn our hero into a less colorful Spiderman. A rival photographer gets ahold of it and instantly has all the abilities that took Peter 41 minutes (approximately 4 months) of the movie to figure out. Why did Eddie Brock learn so quickly?

In the Spiderman franchise it appears that all of the villains are able to learn and use there new found powers many times faster than Peter was. Though I think some may argue that Dr. Otto Octavius was under the control of the arms but they would be wrong.

If I had super powers bestowed upon me I would imagine it would take alot of trial and error to figure everything out. I still haven't figured out everything my new car stereo does and there is nothing super about it.

Anything stated as fact was most likely made up.

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

2008-04-25T13:42:00.005-05:00

The wife and I had the ultrasound today and it is now official, we are having another baby girl. Isley is due September 20th. Which as most of my readers know, is the 375th anniversary of the day Galileo Galilei was tried before the Inquisition for teaching that the Earth orbits the Sun.
At least I will never forget that date.

FAQs

2008-04-24T11:28:00.003-05:00

Do to the recent popularity of my blog I have started a Frequently Asked Questions page please read before emailing me as I am sure your questions have already been address. If not I will do my best to answer all questions recieved.
Most questions in the FAQs have never actually been asked.

Q: Are you a ninja?
A: Yes, I am trained Ninja with 26 years of training.

Q: Who do you work for?
A: I am a freelance assassin for several large governments, and private agencies.

Q: Who do people most say that you most look like?
A: I am most often confused for Brad Pitt, Joey Laurence, Optimus Prime, The Cobra Commander, and Jessica Alba.

Q: What are your hobbies?
A: I enjoy movies, photography, Architecture, base jumping, and cross stitching.

Q: Are you homosexual.
A: No.

Q: Will you ever run for President?
A. I plan to run or the Presidency in 2028 as a Libertarian.

Q: What do you smell like?
A: I smell like Rock-n-roll and cotton balls.

Q: How much do Male Black Bears weigh?
A: Male black bears can weigh as much as 500-600 lbs.

Q: Are you married?
A: Yes.

Q: What are your specials today?
A: We have The Tuna Melt, with fries and a soda or tea for $9.o8 plus tax.

Q: How long have you been blogging?
A: I have been blogging since 1982.

Q: How fast can you run?
A: I have been clocked at 48mph, but I am pretty sure that I can run upwards of 54mph.

Q: What do you think about being goth?
A: It is pretty dumb.

Q: Is your daughter the cutest child in the world?
A: Currently she is, though there is a child that will be born in 128 years that will be slightly cuter but will have a clubfoot.

Q: What is the tallest one-story building in the world?
A: The VAB (Vehicle Assembly Building) at NASA is 525 ft. tall.

Q: What is the muzzel velocity of a .50 cal Desert Eagle hand gun?
A: 1475 fps or 1006 mph.

Q: How long do Manatee live?
A: Manatee are thought to live for 50 to 60 years in the wild.

Q: Have you ever played professional football?
A: I played in the Cfl for 6 seasons then moved to the NFL for 2 seasons before an injury sidelined me.

Q: Can an old dog learn a new trick?
A: Old dogs (7 years and older) can learn 3 new tricks.

Q: Are you as hot as you type?
A: Sorry ladies, I am not.

Its A Family Affair....

2008-04-23T11:20:00.003-05:00

My wife has finally join the world of Blogging. Her first two posts are ready for your hungry eyes. I have a feeling she may well surpass my dedicated readership of three people by the end of the month.
You can enjoy here quips and queries here.

Do you want to know what makes me smile?

2008-04-17T11:24:00.003-05:00

The little girl to your left is Shivarudrayya (Shiva) (read her story here) and she was born with a severe cleft lip and you can send money to The Smile Train to help underprivileged cleft lipped kids like her.
Please don't get me wrong, if I had the money I would fix every cleft lip in the world, right after I saved all the starving kids in Africa, and helped the guy on exit 132 in Mcleansville, NC get a job and some counseling due to his 2 tours in Vietnam.
I really enjoy reading my magazines and nothing makes me smile more than reading an article on Culture, Politics, or even building a Compost Bin on the cheap and getting to see this face.

Thank you The Smile Train.

I COULD NOT CARE LESS....

2008-02-19T14:45:00.004-05:00

I have many pet peeves but one that really gets me is, "I could care less". Let me break this down for you. Saying I could care less by definition means that you care, regardless of the magnitude of your caring, you do in fact care.
The proper wording is as follows, "I could not care less" or for those pressed for time, "I couldn't care less. The later will of course save you little to no time if you are typing or texting your disregard for whatever situation you are involved in.

just so you know.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY....

2008-02-14T14:05:00.003-05:00

Lily Jean The Dancing Queen.....

2008-02-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

Lily told me a few weeks ago that she wanted to be a dancer. I had to tell her that with a mixture of Morrow and Savell that rythem was not going to come easy. Lily worked for two weeks straight and proved her dad wrong. About 1 min. 45 sec. she also shows off her new "Sippy Cup moves".

In this continuation she proves that she has got the more moves than Steven Seagal. Not only that but she tops it off with the best Joe Cocker impression you have ever seen.

Lily wants to know what everybody thinks so leave you comments.

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE MADE IT.....

2008-01-21T12:15:00.000-05:00

If you ask most people, I am pretty sure they would say that they had never "Googled" themselves(LIARS). I have and do. Why because I want to know what kind of presence I have on the web, which is very little if you must know. I also "Google" my address, which is not for vanity or curiosity but more for utilitarian purposes. Its just nice to know that someone can easily get directions to or from your house when you don't live in a well known area.
Three years ago on Christmas Eve the wife and I moved into a new neighborhood kind of off the beaten path. The neighborhood itself had only been there for four years at the most. for three years now I have been unable to get or give directions to or from my house in printed form via the Internet. Its not a big deal its just inconvenient to have to type in a nearby address as a starting point for directions. My wife, like you might say who cares. The answer to that question would be, I do! So occasionally I hop on the World Wide Web and attempt to locate my home address .Yesterday I went to Google Maps to "not" see where I live and BAM! there I was. The Morrow family has finally made it. I can now, with minimal effort give people directions right to my front door. I can get directions from my own doorstep all the way to Lowes (hardware not grocery) I can even get directions to my neighbors house though that would be unnecessary and more time consuming that just walking across the street or side yard depending on which neighbor's house I was going to.
Its just an emotional day, thanks Google.

FIVE THINGS THAT NEVER DISAPPOINT.....**

2008-01-03T12:33:00.000-05:00

My Craftsman 16-gal Wet/Dry Vac w/ detachable blower.
Great Value brand Orange Early Rise drink mix.
Harris Teeter brand Lite Eggnog.
The Internet Movie Database.
Daydreaming about being a Ninjas.

**my wife and daughter are on a future list entitled "Two things that are better than this list"

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1985....

2007-12-26T09:46:00.001-05:00

I made a conscience decision this Christmas.
The decision was to not watch "A Christmas Story". It was a bold move I know but I felt it needed to be done. Yes I know what you are thinking, don't turn on the TV Eddie, bam its that easy. No it is not! I travel during the Holidays and am subject to the viewing whims of other people. Due to this fact my journey was not a total success. At the end of my adventure I had watched about one and a half minutes of my 2007 Christmas nemesis.
Next year I am taking on Rudolph and Frosty. A feat that has not been attempted since 1974 and led to, as you know, six deaths in Kentucky.

TO MY DEMOCRAT FRIENDS.....

2007-12-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

To all my Democrat friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress,
non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for
the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their
choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you
a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008,
but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures
whose contributions to society have helped make America great . Not to imply
that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only
America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the
race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual
preference of the wisher.

To all my Republican friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Dear Robby Takac,

2007-11-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

Robby, hey its Eddie, I saw you last night on the TV. You were playing a live show in Breckenridge, Colorado. I thought, hey I remember the Goo Goo Dolls , they were a
"pop band" in the 90's.

That being said let me tell you something Robby, you are the bass player for the GGDs, not Skid Row.

For those about to rock I solute you, but I do not solute you if you only appear to rock but are in fact not. Don't get me wrong you look like you could rock your socks off, although I here sometimes you don't were socks. That's probably because they got rocked off. My issue is that you are not in a rock band, you are in a pop band, so you should only be popping.

Please tone it down a tad Rob, I would appreciate it.

NINE JOBS I WOULD HAVE IF SKILL OR PAY WERE NOT A FACTOR

2007-09-06T11:57:00.000-05:00

1. Professional Golfer
2. Assassin
3. Spy
4. Movie Director
5. Writer
6. Shop Owner (book, movie, tobacco)
7. Photographer
8. Professional Bowler
9. Blogger

REVIEWS IN 20 WORDS OF LESS "DISTURBIA"

2007-08-28T11:07:00.000-05:00

Directed by: D.J. Caruso
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Sarah Romer, Carrie-Anne Moss, and David Morse

Disturbia has a great plot, Shia is a future superstar and David Morse is always fantastic.
Very suspenseful.

THE 5 BEST MOVIES ABOUT VAMPIRES

2007-08-23T11:13:00.000-05:00

FUTURE CONTENDERS

World's Smallest Political Quiz....

2007-07-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

Take the wolds smallest political quiz.
It helps the many undecided and/or confused political novices like me
figure out where we belong in the political world.
My main man Neil Boortz loves this test. He is a registered
Libertarian, and according to the test so am I.
Its 10 questions and takes 5 minutes tops.

Most Anticipated Movies of the Year....

2007-07-27T09:06:00.000-05:00

Things I do know because i "occationally" listened to my dad......

2007-07-26T12:17:00.000-05:00

Properly wash a car
Change break pads
Bleed my breaks
Make chili
Change my oil (if I wanted to)

Things I would know if I had listened to my dad more.....

2007-07-25T11:44:00.000-05:00

Fix a dented fender
Back up a trailer
Fix a mower
Give my car a tune up

REVEIWS IN 20 WORDS OR LESS "SHOOTER"

2007-07-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

"Shooter"
Directer by: Antoine Fuque
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Danny Glover, Micheal Pena, Kata Mara, and Ned Beatty

Wahlberg never disappoints. Shooter has a good plot and action.
I definitely want to be a sniper real bad.

THE BEST RAP / ROCK COLLABERATIONS

2007-07-12T15:22:00.001-05:00

Public Enemy & Anthrax: Bring the Noise
Foo Fighters & Puffy: All About the Benjamin's
Pearl Jam & Cypress Hill: Real Thing
Onyx & Biohazard: Judgment Night
Faith No More & Boo Yaa Tribe: Another Body Murdered
POD & Nappy Roots: Awnaw
Ice Cube & Korn: Children of the Korn

United States presidential line of succession...

2007-07-09T13:55:00.000-05:00

#	Office	Current Officer
1	Vice President of the United States and President of the Senate	Richard Cheney
2	Speaker of the House of Representatives	Nancy Pelosi
3	President of the Senate pro tempore	Robert Byrd
4	Secretary of State	Condoleezza Rice
5	Secretary of the Treasury	Henry Paulson
6	Secretary of Defense	Robert Gates
7	Attorney General	Alberto Gonzales
8	Secretary of the Interior	Dirk Kempthorne
9	Secretary of Agriculture	Mike Johanns
--	Secretary of Commerce	Carlos Gutierrez (ineligible; not a natural-born citizen)
--	Secretary of Labor	Elaine Chao (ineligible; not a natural-born citizen)
10	Secretary of Health and Human Services	Michael Leavitt
11	Secretary of Housing and Urban Development	Alphonso Jackson
12	Secretary of Transportation	Mary Peters
13	Secretary of Energy	Samuel Bodman
14	Secretary of Education	Margaret Spellings
15	Secretary of Veterans Affairs	Jim Nicholson
16	Secretary of Homeland Security	Michael Chertoff

The Zombie Food Pyramid...

2007-07-06T11:51:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Final Girl

A MAP OF MY LIFE.

2007-07-06T09:11:00.000-05:00

I discovered "My Maps" in Google Maps. You can map anything that you would like using pictures, text or both. If you click on the map above you will see some of the things that I have done and things that interest me.

Also Known As....

2007-07-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

As a relative newcomer to the world of politics I am often confused be the terminology used by the media. Why for instance do they say "right wing" and then say Republican when they are referring to the same thing. To clear this up I have come up with a list of terms and what they are referring to, in layman's terms of course.

Republicans and the Republican Party:

G.O.P. or Grand Old Party
Right Wing
Red States
Conservatives
Religious Right
Social Conservatives
Neocons
Fundamentalists
Reds

Democrats and the Democratic Party:

Left Wing
Blue States
Liberals
Progressives
Blues

This list is in no way complete.

A Celebration of the Century Mark

2007-07-02T11:57:00.000-05:00

Well, there have now been 100 posts here at Peculiar Recountings. That's quite an accomplish- ment if you ask me. That's 100 times an opinion/observation/fact/thought has been published for the free world to bask in the glory thereof. Think about how that could change everything!! I mean where else could you get a Review In 20 Words or Less for "Smokin' Aces" or an in depth analysis of Action Films Vs. Adventure Films ,or, my personal favorite, a full exploration of Why Things Happen. There's just so much information that needs to conveyed it boggles the mind. The treatises here at Peculiar Recountings are a liken to a plump water balloon traveling at 60 mph poised to impact a solid, arid brick wall where the dry minds of the readers are ripe for the inevitable ensuing explosion of wetness.

Now, if this site somehow does not fulfill your dry wasteland of a mind, I invite you over to Milwen.com where the cynicism, among other things, continues.

In Memory Of.........

2007-06-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

My cousin Jimmy died on Tuesday and will be missed greatly by all who knew him.

Jimmy Wayne Idol Jr.

GREENSBORO —Jimmy Wayne Idol, Jr., 42, of Jamestown, N.C., died Tuesday, June 12, 2007, at Moses Cone Hospital.

The funeral service will be held 3 p.m. Saturday, June 16, at First Baptist Church in Greensboro. Burial will follow at Sandy Ridge Methodist Church Cemetery. Masonic Funeral Rites will take place at the cemetery.

He was born on April 16, 1965, to Jimmy Wayne Idol, Sr. and Beatrice Idol Powers. Jimmy was a Christian who loved the Lord. He was a Mason and a member of Asheboro Lodge # 699, The Oasis Shriner and The Randolph County Shrine Club. Jimmy was employed at Matt Marshall for 20 years.

He is survived by his wife Priscilla Idol of the home; one daughter, Kaylee Idol; one son, Alek Idol; mother and step-father ,Bea-Kay Powers and Rick of Greensboro; one sister, Chrissie Rider of Greensboro; one brother, Rick Powers, Jr. and wife, Christy of Gibsonville; and several aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and cousins.

Jimmy was preceded in death by his father, Jimmy Wayne Idol, Sr.

The family will receive friends from 6 until 8 p.m. Friday evening at Lambeth-Troxler Funeral Service.

Memorial contributions, in Jimmy's name, may be made to Shriners Hospital for Children-Greenville, 950 West Faris Road, Greenville, SC 29605 or Asheboro Masonic Lodge # 699, 325 Sunset Ave. Asheboro, NC 27203

Offer condolences at www. news-record.com/nr/obits/

Published in the News Record on 6/14/2007.

Happy Birthday Eddie Morrow...

2007-06-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

29 years ago today I graced the earth with my presents so Happy Birthday to me.
I have been alive for:
*914.5 million seconds
*15242400 minutes
*254040 hours
*10585 days
*1512 weeks
*348 months

These figures are probably all wrong,
I am getting old you know.

How to get away with picking up a prostitute..(In Theory)

2007-06-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article about prostitution Vs. Pornography and came up with a great theory for legally picking up prostitutes.
Try out this technique and she how it pans out for you.
You will first need two things on your persons in order to pull this off.
First you will need a video camera, next you will need to draft up a video consent form. There are many such forms on the internet.
It the police give you any flack simply say that you are recording a pornographic movie, which is not illegal and that you will be compensating the lady or ladies for there "acting in the film".
This seems like a pretty gray area in the law enforcement field so there is a good chance that you would get away with it.
Now you just need to take your friendly neighborhood prostitute to the location of your choice and film you cinematic adventure.

I am not a lawyer and if you get arrested you are the dummy that listened to me so..........not my fault.

I Should be a professional band name namer.

2007-06-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

Through the history of man we have found the need to name things. One day along time ago a man saw an ant and named it so, another man saw a piece of quartz and likewise named it so. I have always wanted to be the guy that names stuff. I have found that i have a great skill for naming things and I think that I will use my skills for naming bands.
Here is a list of band names you are free to use.

Elemental Frontier
Devotion to a Flower
No Coincidences
Handicap 33
Truckbed Ashtray
The Elm St. Rowdy Boys
Pumpkinhead
The Argument Alliance
The Contention League
The Battle Bunch
Round Circle
Number 19
Bearhead
Bearface
Adventures of an Amature Ninja
Peculiar Recountings
The Definition of Awesome
The Pack and Play Experiment
Kingwell
Subdivided
Phase One
Father of One
Office Politics
Leansville
Posting Daily
Buy One Get One
Acoustically Electric
The Mancurians
Banana Pancake
Flavor Tabs

Any likeness or downright exactness to any band names is purely coincidental even thought there are no coincidences so lets just say it was an accident.

What is the difference between bourbon and whiskey?

2007-06-07T11:59:00.000-05:00

"All bourbons are whiskey, but not all whiskeys are bourbon...Whisky is an alcoholic distillate from a fermented mash of grain produced at less than 190 proof in such a manner that the distillate possesses the taste, aroma, and characteristics generally attributed to whiskey, stored in oak containers (except that corn whisky need not be so stored), and bottled at not less than 80 proof, and also includes mixtures of such distillates for which no specific standards of identity are prescribed.

For a whiskey to qualify as bourbon, the law--by international agreement--stipulates that it must be made in the USA. It must be made from at least 51% and no more than 79% Indian corn, and aged for at least two years. (Most bourbon is aged for four years or more.) The barrels for aging can be made of any kind of new oak, charred on the inside. Nowadays all distillers use American White Oak, because it is porous enough to help the bourbon age well, but not so porous that it will allow barrels to leak. It must be distilled at no more than 160 proof (80% alcohol by volume). Nothing can be added at bottling to enhance flavor or sweetness or alter color. The other grains used to make bourbon, though not stipulated by law, are malted barley and either rye or wheat. Some Kentucky bourbon makers claim that the same limestone spring water that makes thoroughbred horses' bones strong gives bourbon whiskey its distinctive flavor. Kind of like that "it's the water" thing with Olympia beer.

Bourbon can be made anywhere in the U.S., but all but a couple of brands are made in Kentucky. Only the state of Kentucky can produce bourbon with its name on the label. The name comes from Bourbon county in the central bluegrass region of Kentucky. This county was named in 1785 to honor the French royal family and was once the major transshipment site for shipping distilled spirits down the Ohio and Mississippi rivers to New Orleans. Barrels shipped from there were stamped with the county's name, which then became the name of this kind of whiskey. Interestingly, there are no distillers in Bourbon county, Kentucky right now. "

Information taken from answerbag.com.

Who knew furniture could be so cool......

2007-06-06T12:42:00.000-05:00

REVIEWS IN 20 WORDS OR LESS "SMOKIN' ACES"

2007-06-05T12:20:00.000-05:00

"Smokin' Aces"
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Andy Garcia, Jeremy Piven, Jason Bateman, Common, Alicia Keys, Ben Affleck, Tommy Flanagan, Peter Berg, etc..........

Smokin' Aces is a twist and turn high impact movie. The plot is confusing, the dialogue is smart and funny.

5 Things I Would Do If I Won The Lottery.....

2007-06-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

Play at least one round of golf in every state.
Sail from Maine down to the Keys.
Spend about a month every year in the UK.
Open a small video, book, or music store.
Have lots of kids.

This list occurs after I have paid off all debts and put money away for college, retirement, and investments.
This list does not include all the traveling my wife will have planned.

Be still my heart......

2007-06-01T12:13:00.000-05:00

Lily reached up for me last night for the first time. It is such a great feeling to know that she loves me and that she knows I am there for her.

Roth IRA....

2007-06-01T11:57:00.000-05:00

A TV commercial once told me, "It is never to early to start saving for retirement". Today I started/opened a Roth IRA, in about 45 years I will be set.....Thank you compound interest.

Blog Traffic......(Caution bitterness ahead)

2007-05-31T12:17:00.000-05:00

“I was inspired by I Help You Blog’s “101 Great Posting Ideas For Your Blog” to write this post about my blog traffic.”

I have been posting to my blog now since August of '05. Including the post that is currently being created for the enjoyment of my faithful readers. I have written 90 post. My blog is about life, pop culture, thoughts, top # lists, etc. which means my reader base should be wider than that of say, a niche blog.
If you Google my name I have three hits on the first page, including the top hit. If you Goggle Mcleansville and blogger, bam!! my blogger profile is sixth. So you must be thinking....this guy must be racking in some major traffic and you would be absolutely correct in this thinking, if you consider my wife, my mom, and Kevin to be the amount of traffic you have always dreamed that your blog would bring in.
I average about one comment per 6 posts. I have had three people sign my guest book. I use Google Analytics and according to my stats I haven't had one page view since last week.
I do your basic blog traffic "strategies" meaning I comment on other blogger's posts, I am a member of several local blog sites, I "claimed" my blog at Technorati I even have a link to my blog at the bottom of my email responses. To no avail my blog is still just a diary I should hide under my bed, at least then people would be curious as to what it says.
I will continue to blog with all my might regardless of my stats because I blog for me not for you unless you want me blog for you in which case I blog for you not for me.............

Miracle Spring Water...

2007-05-30T11:56:00.000-05:00

I was watching T.V. this morning and came across an infomercial for Peter Popoff, an Evangelist claiming to be able to heal, save, and even have unexpected money sent to you if you call him and he prays for you.

I received the miracle spring water and the blessed cakes in Jesus' name. Everything around me and my family is different. Blessings have been occurring. You were not wrong; it was a $17,000 loan that was granted to me to pay off most of my debts. You're a guiding light. I thank the Lord for your prayers. I see myself now walking in the right path.
Brother E. Sotomayor, Bronx, NY (4/22/04)

Is getting a loan a miracle?????

Attention Missing Cat!!!

2007-05-23T17:31:00.001-05:00

Do you see a cat? I'm not sure I see one either. This paper was on my front door yesterday when I got home. I have not messed with this picture at all, it is the same quality it was when I received it. The only thing I did was hide the phone number to protect the innocent.

Good luck finding your cat.

REVIEWS IN 20 WORDS OR LESS "Pan's Labyrinth

2007-05-23T12:03:00.000-05:00

"Pan's Labyrinth"
Directed by: Guillermo del Toro

Pan' Labyrinth is visually stunning, with a great plot and cast. I didn't like the subtitles but they were bearable.

Top Five Tuesdays.......

2007-05-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

My top five magazines......

Pac Man's Skull

2007-05-21T11:56:00.000-05:00

Found here

Lily and Bearhead....

2007-05-18T12:56:00.001-05:00

LILY CAN SIT UP!!!

2007-05-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

WORST 5 WEDNESDAY.....

2007-05-16T11:52:00.000-05:00

Worst movies with SNL alumni:

Beverly Hills Ninja
A Night At the Roxbury
Superstar
It's Pat
The Animal

Fair Tax Oppostion.........

2007-05-15T11:51:00.000-05:00

I am currently reading The Fair Tax Book by Neal Boortz and John Linder and I am loving it. I have been looking into oppositions to The Fair Tax and found something very interesting. I love to get other peoples views on things, it helps me make a more informed decision but not in this case. I have not found one opposing view that doesn't; misquote, distort, or outright lie about the contents of the book. I feel that The Fair Tax is exactly that "Fair". I hope that i will find some good opposing thoughts, if you have any leave them here.

REVIEWS IN 20 WORDS OR LESS "ALPHA DOG"

2007-05-14T12:51:00.000-05:00

"ALPHA DOG"
Starring: Ben Foster, Emile Hirsch, Justin Timberlake, Bruce Willis, Sharon Stone and Anton Yelchin
Written and Directed by Nick "The Notebook" Cassavetes

Alpha Dog is a very gritty, intense and realistic account of today's "youth gone wild".
Based on real events.

REVIEWS IN 20 WORDS OR LESS "THE HOLIDAY"

2007-05-11T12:19:00.000-05:00

The Holiday
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black and Kate Winslet.

The Holiday is a great romantic comedy with obvious chemistry among the cast. It did run a little long.

COWORKERS BEWARE.....

2007-05-10T12:17:00.000-05:00

I MISS YOU SO MUCH...........

2007-05-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

Josta was the first "energy drink". It was introduced by Pepsi Co. in 1995 and was my favorite carbonated beverage for 4 short years.
Josta was pulled from the Pepsi lineup in 1999 due to a change in corporate strategy.

Josta's flavor has been described as predominately fruity, with a hint of spice and a touch of the key ingredient guarana.

It was a delicious beverage that will truly be missed.

An Open Letter to Scientist Worldwide....

2007-05-08T12:01:00.000-05:00

As I read the paper and watch the news I see that "you scientist" are discovering new and exciting things everyday. Don't get me wrong, I commend you on your efforts but it has become painfully obvious that you are all on the wrong track. If you were doing your jobs as well as you should then you would have discovered, if only by accident the greatest thing that could ever be created.

I know that 24.823% of all scientific discoveries come as a by-product of the intended experiments but these mistakes can be remarkable.
* Viagra
*Penicillin
*The Microwave Oven
*Silly Puddy
*LSD
Need I say anymore!

Science needs to branch out into more extreme experimentation. I do not care if it is intended or purely accidental but would someone one please start a Zombie epidemic.

Please try to go by the following guidelines as much as possible.

They must be slow moving.
They must go on instinct alone "need brains".
They cannot collaborate with other Zombies or be able to learn new things.
They must be killed only through severe head trauma.
The Zombie can only infect a non-Zombie by way of a bite.
They must have sub-human strength.
Glazed eyes would be preferable.
Inability to speak, moaning is acceptable.
The epidemic can only be transferred to humans.
Lastly they should die from starvation or thirst as any human would.

My household has a Zombie epidemic plan. We are prepared and will survive this horrible "awesome" experience unscathed. Every morning I wake up saddened by the fact that I have yet to battle Zombies. I plead with you, Scientist of the world, to make this a reality.

Thank You,
Edward Morrow

The History of Words..."Edward"

2007-05-07T12:18:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know my name is Edward Morrow. I have often wondered where my first name might have originated from. After extensive research I found the origins were a bit fuzzy at first but became clear after speaking with several world renowned historians at The University of Phoenix Online.
First and foremost, the word ward comes from the Latin for watchmen or guardian.
The more difficult task was finding the history behind ed, which lead to some very interesting discoveries. Ed come from E.D. which we all know is short for erectile dysfunction. The interesting part is that this was originally diagnosed in 1278 A.D.
In 1478 a massive outbreak of E.D. occurred in Wales. Women revolted and claimed the men were possessed so all men diagnosed with E.D. were exiled to several "camps" where they resided until they died or could achieve an erection. Usually death was the sentence served.
To retain anonymity the guards were all given the same names so that anyone who was released from the "camps" could not seek retributive for there imprisonment. The were first call the Erectile dysfunction guardians later shortened to Edward. The surrounding towns called the inmates Eddie for the common chants of Erectile dysfunction is death. Lastly the guards frequently called the inmates Ed.
I am not proud of the origins of my name, but I do enjoy the colorful history that precedes it.

Almost everything in this post is a lie.

Action Films Vs. Adventure Films....

2007-05-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

An action films generally involves a moral interplay between "good" and "bad" played out through violence or physical force. Popular sub genres are often; the buddy cop movie, or the heist/caper movie. Action films usually have higher death counts and are more graphic. The deaths usually involve established characters.

Some popular action movies are:
*Die Hard
*Beverly Hills Cop
*Miami Vice
*Bad Boys
*Mission Impossible

An adventure film generally involves danger, risk, and/or chance, often with a high degree of fantasy.
A lot of adventure movies usually take place in an undetermined period of time.
Sci Fi and fantasy films can often be sub genres of the adventure film. In adventure films such as Lord of the Rings the death counts can also be high but involve characters in which no name of face is of any importance.

Some popular adventure movies are:
*Indiana Jones
*Pirates of the Caribbean
*Star Wars
*Robin Hood
*The Mummy

Duct Tape Smuck Tape...

2007-05-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Duct Tape. We were married for nearly three years and have remained close friends. I like her new husband and we work in the same field. So we see each other regularly. Sorry I'm rambling.
Duct Tape has many, many uses and has tons of websites devoted to it. It's the cats meow, no doubt.
Zip ties or cable ties as they are also known are themselves pretty bad ass and have many. many uses as well. It got me thinking, Why does Duct Tape get all the love.
Well let me tell you.
In 1948 the cable tie was invented by Lucas "Zippy" Tiesdale. Duct Tape had already been used for years in the military and by avid outdoors men, it was also occasionally used for HVAC instillation. Due to its government "ties" due to its military use the Duct Tape industry had alot of government protection. Mr. Tiesdale's invention was given a patent but he was only allowed to produce a small amount of zip ties a year. People loved the new "jack of all trades" zip tie but because of its low production volume the prices had to rise to maintain a profit. Eventually people stopped using zip ties and when with the more readily available and cheaper Duct Tape. In 1968 with Mr. Lucas' invention of the Zip Lock Bag and in 1982 the zip disk he had enough money to start production on the zip tie again. With Lobbyists in place in Washington DC he was able to lift the government limit of zip tie production, and was able to store the world with "The Amazing Zip Tie", it original slogan.
The rest is history................

Almost everything written here is a lie.

The greatest buisness idea of the year!!

2007-04-25T18:40:00.000-05:00

I am about to tell the world about the greatest business idea of the year, Nay the decade, Nay the century. Me and my wife use to be the typical American family. We lived paycheck to paycheck, getting deeper and deeper into debt.
We have tried all of those get rich quick schemes but that is all they are, just schemes.

One night I woke up from a dead sleep with the idea for a better life me my wife and I. It was so easy I couldn't believe no one had ever thought of it before. I know what you are thinking, trust me, I do but this is different, its a sure fire money maker. There is very little over head and you can get started for as little as a dollar. All it takes is a little footwork and once you develop a good client base you are set. My company has grown exponentially over the past year. No more paycheck to paycheck we live the life we want and have never been happier. You can work as little as an hour a day and make hundreds of dollars. We will never forget that faithful night, the night our dreams came true.

Follow these four easy steps and you will find your way to financial freedom.

Buy a box or bag of pens at your local discount store.
Open the pens.
Go out into public.
Attach a note to the pen stating that you are deaf or foreign and would like to sell them that very pen you are holding.
Sell that pen for a dollar a piece.
Live a rich full life.

Why this program works:

The pens only cost between one too two dollars for a dozen.
You sell them for a dollar a piece.
That is, at the very least a %600 profit per bag.
People feel sorry for deaf and foreign people.
People always need pens.
You have pens.

Good luck!!!!!!!!

Cow Licks.....

2007-04-24T13:11:00.001-05:00

What Is A Cowlick?

Cowlicks occur when hair forms a pivot that distributes the hair from a specific point around in all different directions.

On some heads the hair recedes at the temple hairline causing a type of erratic hair pattern.

Cowlicks are most often found in the crown area but they may also be found along the front of the hairline around the face and the nape areas.

Most people are born with their cowlicks. People that suffer hair from chemotherapy or other illness may be horrified to discover that a new cowlick pattern will emerge along with their regrowth of their hair.

No one is exempt from the dreaded cowlick. Lots of famous people have cowlicks. Famous super model Claudia Schiffer, is reported to have not one but two cowlicks at the front of her hairline.

I have two or three cow licks, and my daughter, Lily was born with a massive cow lick on the top of her head. About a week ago she woke up and the cow lick had fallen down, we were very distraught but the next day it was back. I think cow licks can really add character to a person. When Lily looses hers after her hair grows out I will always have this picture to look at to remind me of the days when she had hair just like her dads.

It is definatly not a man bag.

2007-04-20T19:54:00.000-05:00

I have been looking for quite some time now for a bag to carry my "stuff" in. I have two Moleskines (planner & reporter) , an MP3 player, pens, markers, the occasional book, etc. I didn't want to have to carry a backpack, or a big messenger bag, in steps the man bag. I have talked to several people and a man bag, no matter the style is still basically a "man purse". The solution is very simple. If the bag in which a man carries is "Military Surplus" then it cannot be feminine. It can only be bad ass. I tried several stores around the area, several being the two stores in the area. Finally I went to Burlington. The Army Store is the best military surplus store that I have ever been to. This place has everything you could want.
The bag I got is classified as a deployment bag. Deployment can be defined as: the distribution of military forces prior to battle. So my new bag helps me to battle life and all the hardships it can muster up.

How To Win At Rock, Paper, Scissors....

2007-04-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the ‘optimum’ strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons.

First, ‘optimum’ in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent’s actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.

1 - Rock is for Rookies
In RPS circles a common mantra is “Rock is for Rookies” because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as “strong” and forceful”, so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn’t play that much and generally won’t work in tournament play.
2 - Scissors on First
The second step in the ‘Rock is for Rookies’ line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won’t come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.
3 - The Double Run
When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.
4 - Telegraph Your Throw
Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won’t play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.
5 - Step Ahead Thinking
Don’t know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.
6 - Suggest A Throw
When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly “suggest a throw” as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie “Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper.” Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your “suggestion”. A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.
7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper
Haven’t a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don’t know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.
8 - The Rounder’s Ploy
This technique falls into more of a ‘cheating’ category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the ‘next’ round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that ‘no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making’. No this devious technique won’t guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.

Taken from Mental Floss

2007-04-17T11:57:00.000-05:00

Q: Are you a ninja?
A: Yes, I am trained Ninja with 26 years of training.

Q: Who do you work for?
A: I am a freelance assassin for several large governments, and private agencies.

Q: Who do people most say that you most look like?
A: I am most often confused for Brad Pitt, Joey Laurence, Optimus Prime, The Cobra Commander, and Jessica Alba.

Q: What are your hobbies?
A: I enjoy movies, photography, Architecture, base jumping, and cross stitching.

Q: Are you homosexual.
A: No.

Q: Will you ever run for President?
A. I plan to run or the Presidency in 2028 as a Libertarian.

Q: What do you smell like?
A: I smell like Rock-n-roll and cotton balls.

Q: How much do Male Black Bears weigh?
A: Male black bears can weigh as much as 500-600 lbs.

Q: Are you married?
A: Yes.

Q: What are your specials today?
A: We have The Tuna Melt, with fries and a soda or tea for $9.o8 plus tax.

Q: How long have you been blogging?
A: I have been blogging since 1982.

Q: How fast can you run?
A: I have been clocked at 48mph, but I am pretty sure that I can run upwards of 54mph.

Q: What do you think about being goth?
A: It is pretty dumb.

Q: Is your daughter the cutest child in the world?
A: Currently she is, though there is a child that will be born in 128 years that will be slightly cuter but will have a clubfoot.

Q: What is the tallest one-story building in the world?
A: The VAB (Vehicle Assembly Building) at NASA is 525 ft. tall.

Q: What is the muzzel velocity of a .50 cal Desert Eagle hand gun?
A: 1475 fps or 1006 mph.

Q: How long do Manatee live?
A: Manatee are thought to live for 50 to 60 years in the wild.

Q: Have you ever played profecinal football?
A: I played in the Cfl for 6 seasons then moved to the NFL for 2 seasons before an injury sidelined me.

General disclaimer for viewers and reader of blog.eddiemorrow.com.

2007-04-13T19:11:00.000-05:00

Viewer discretion is advised.
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Shake well before using.
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The buyer assumes all risks associated with using this product.
In case of irritation, flush eyes with cold water and consult your physician.
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Consult your physician before use.
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The Dom Imus Memorial List....

2007-04-13T12:48:00.000-05:00

With all the Don Imus hoopla in the news recently, it got me thinking about racial slurs. There are millions of racial slurs for every race, except for white Americans. This leads me to only one conclusion. White people have superior creativity than any other race. This is not a racist statement, it is a scientific fact. I chalenge the world to be more creative with there racism towards the White American community. To begin this journey I have set you all upon I have provided the most comprehensive list in the entire world of racial slurs towards White Americans. You may take from this list and combine terms or add terms. The most effective way is to add the word Fu@%in to any word and it will increase its power by 37.58%.

Good Luck

Albino
Aryan
Blue Eyed Devil
Boss
Casper
Corn-fed
Cracker
Cracker Jack
Gilligan
Gomer
Goober
Gringos
Hayseed
Hicks
Hillbillies
Honky
Howdy Doody
Ivory
Marsh-mellow
Massa
Master
Milky
Mullet-head
Opie
Pale Face
Pasty Face
Pecker-wood
Pigmently-Challenged
Poor White Trash
Powder
Redneck
Rube
Saltine
Skinhead
Skinheads
Snowflake
Snowman
The Man
Trailer Trash
Vanilla
Wasp
White Bread
White Devil
White Devil
White Trash
Whitey
Wigger

Eddie Morrow is not a racist and intends to offend no one.

The Top Ten Most Practical Superpowers

2007-03-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

So you think having superpowers would rock balls, huh? Okay, let’s give some of the most popular ones a little reality treatment and see how they stack up in everyday life.

Bear in mind, this assessment doesn’t incorporate the “convenience factor.” In the movies and comic books, the hero blessed with supernatural skills always manages to find himself in situations that just so happen to require his abilities. For example, Lois Lane tumbles out of a helicopter and as luck would have it, Superman can fly and therefore save her. Talk about coincidence.

By the way, you ever wonder if Clark Kent would have cared to become Superman had it been someone other than his love interest dangling from that helicopter seatbelt--like, say, a fat guy with his nasty plumber’s crack exposed? I do, and I doubt it.

Anyway here’s the cynical rundown…

10.) Flight

Wait, what? You’re ranking the power to fly on the bottom? Oh, yeah. Consider: having the power to fly does not imply you can fly fast. Suppose the fastest you can fly is no faster than you can run. Since these days no one runs anywhere as a means of transportation (unless you’re an Olympic sprinter who lives in Manhattan, and if you are, dude, that is so gay), if you can’t get somewhere faster than you would by car, train, bus, or plane, what’s the point?

You can forget about waging war on crime, too. Any crook will just pop a cap in your slow-motion ass the moment you and your tights show up to save the day.

Also, since your body is still just that of an ordinary mortal, you are still vulnerable to high altitudes with the usually freezing, oxygen-starved conditions. So, unless you want to don a pressure suit, air tank, and strap on a set of rocket boots to propel you to practical speeds, flying is all but a useless power in the real world.

9.) X-Ray Vision

Wow, you can see through stuff. You could become a security supervisor at an airport and peer through the clothes of hairy old men, fat chicks, and skanks like Lindsay Lohan for lethal contraband like toenail clippers and hand lotion.

Sure, you could check out the hotties in their birthday suits, but isn’t the fun really in actually getting their clothes off? Prepare to settle in for a life as a full-fledged peeping Tom. You ought to be ashamed of yourself you pervert.

8.) Super Strength

Let’s see, one of your friends or family members is moving and needs help with the heavy lifting. I wonder who they’ll call first.

Really, the only time this power would actually come in handy would be for bar fights, arm wrestling contests, or for bashing your boss’s skull in when he once again turns down your hulky underperforming self for a raise. Don’t think you’ll avoid jail by out-muscling the cops, either. Super strength doesn’t imply your flesh is impervious to bullets. Elephants are pretty damn strong, and all it takes to knock those bastards down is a well shot tranquilizer dart.

Come to think of it, jail is probably the only place super strength would serve you (and your virgin ass) well. No need to knock some weakling out to prove you’ve got cojones, your bulky frame will be enough to ward off any gang banger or butt pirate lying in wait. You’ll also have plenty of extra space to print your jailhouse tats.

7.) Pyrokinesis

Congratulations, you can light yourself on fire and burn stuff down at whim. Psychiatrists have a mental disorder for that. It’s called pyromania.

So society brands you a psycho. Now what, fight crime? Any evildoer with half a cerebellum will know to just blast you with an extinguisher, or lead you unsuspectingly into a water treatment plant so that he can push you into a vat full of water and deadly chemicals.

Again, you’re not bulletproof, and there’s no assuming you’ll be able to out run a criminal and haul him to justice. In essence, you’re basically just a walking fiery ball of shit that can’t do anything except maybe char private property by accident.

6.) Telepathy

The whole charm of being able to read someone’s thoughts is the premise that the human brain thinks in a linear pattern. It doesn’t. Thoughts are like the colorful balls that pop around in those toy lawnmowers, only in your head. Whatever intimate knowledge you pilfer from someone will only emerge as gibberish, leaving you wishing people everywhere would stop thinking and just die. In time, you’ll become an anti-social asshole rivaling any of those emo freaks.

5.) Shape-shifting

At first the ability to alter your appearance may seem like the ultimate godsend. Who hasn’t wanted to be someone else at one point in his life? Maybe even someone famous. But consider, so what if you can physically change into Bill Gates? You won’t have his money, and you sure as hell never will.

The same logic applies for anyone else you care to replicate. Johnny Depp? You won’t get his charisma along with that bizarre, sharp-angled face of his. Bono? You won’t get his ability to perform on stage while looking like a totally pretentious douche bag. Well, maybe that alone makes shape-shifting a power worth having. Yes, kill Bono and then become Bono, and make this world a better place by retiring to a cave somewhere in the Rockies and relieving us all of his obnoxious personality.

4.) Super Speed

Zoom! There goes that naked guy again who can run really fast.

Nothing except metal and certain kinds of plastic can withstand the kind of pressure and friction that’s associated with super sonic speed. So, unless you want to look like some kind of bondage freak in a chain-maille suit complete with conspicuous pee-hole, better avoid hanging around exotic chemicals in the lab on stormy nights.

3.) Teleportation

Ahhh…finally a power that might actually benefit you in some way. Especially if you want to rob a bank. There’s just one little problem. You miscalculated the distance between the outside and inside of the vault, and now your leg is trapped in the titanium lining all the way down to the molecular level. Good going, numb nuts! Hope you brought a bone saw and a high threshold for pain, otherwise your ass is off to prison where you’ll while away your years as a one-legged laughingstock of every thief in the Big House.

2.) Invisibility

Honey, did you feel that bump in the road just a second ago? No? Hmmm…I could have sworn I felt something.

You’re invisible, so no one can see you. Let me put that another way. No motorist can see you. With this power you have to be extra careful doing just about anything, because everything becomes dangerous. One errant jaunt across the highway and you become one flattened hero.

1.) Regeneration

Finally, the only power that is actually useful in real life. Scrape your knee playing two-hand touch? Three seconds later and you’re as good as new. Splatter your guts across the pavement in a motorcycle accident? It’s cool, you’ll be popping wheelies trying to impress that girl in a halter-top on the sidewalk in no time.

You can also eat whatever the hell you want because cholesterol and pesky fat build-up is no longer a concern. Dessert tonight? You’ll order two, maybe three.

The only problem is that if your body can heal itself instantly, it looks like you’re going to be living a long, long extra-long life. So, for our sake, you better have a pleasant, jovial demeanor to console us since we’ll all be aging like suckers while you stay healthy and youthful.

Written by Dean Brooks Here

An open letter to all "movie ending ruiners".....

2007-03-21T11:44:00.000-05:00

Did you know that Bruce Willis was dead the whole time?

No I didn't know that but thank you you for ruining that experience for me!

I don't know that i can completely fault you for telling me the end of a movie before I have a chance to see it because you must be a moron. I only wish that you would think before you speak. I think it looks like a great movie and I cant wait to see it and I did hear that there is a twist ending but let me see if I can figure it out for myself. I like surprises, figuring out what is going on is half the fun for me. If you tell me the end of a movie one more time, I am going to tell you how you die.

I cut your break lines.........sorry to ruin the surprise for you!

MY GOLF GAME BY THE NUMBERS

2007-03-14T07:44:00.000-05:00

My first buisness card....

2007-02-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

I AM A TERRIBLE LINE PICKER...

2007-02-13T13:37:00.000-05:00

All my life I have waited in lines. Most places have multiple lines to choose from and I always pick the wrong one. It doesnt matter if it is the shortest line, its the wrong line. Sometimes I think that if I pick the line that was not my gut instinct then that will be the right one, but its not.

Why Things Happen

2007-01-31T13:30:00.000-05:00

My childhood hero...

2007-01-25T13:31:00.000-05:00

THE LIFE OF A GOLDFISH

2007-01-15T12:50:00.000-05:00

Pie chart courtesy of Adam Ford

A DIFFERENT VIEW OF THE SIMPSONS

2007-01-12T12:58:00.000-05:00

FOUND ON TOOFLY.COM

Empty Supervillian Threats...

2007-01-10T13:14:00.000-05:00

Pie chart courtousy of Adam Ford

How to remove a deadbolt.

2006-11-29T13:22:00.001-05:00

My wife and I locked ourselves out of the house on Sunday so I had to break in through the garage. The door was dead bolted but I managed to get it unlocked. Here are the easy steps to get into any deadbolt.

Get hammer & screw driver
Hammer screwdriver into lock to twist lock
Cylinder pushes into housing
Hammer large metal rod in to cylinder to knock it out
Get drill and small metal bit
Break drill bit
Get larger bit
Break larger bit
Use biggest bit
Break biggest bit
Get jigsaw with metal saw blade
Break metal saw blade
Get large steel rod again and hammer it in
as far as possible
Take crescent wrench and turn 10 times
Get Dremil tool with cutting blade to cut now exposed bolts
Take dead bolt off
Use needle nose pliers to pull lock out
Presto
Clean up pieces of metal

Introducing....................

2006-11-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

Lily Jean Morrow
Born: 11/22/06
Time: 6:22 am
Weight: 7lbs. 7 oz.
Length: 19.5"
My daughter came into this world on a dark a stormy night. As she entered, my whole world lit up with joy. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She is going to rule the world in no more than 24 years, I guarantee it.

The Pop Culture Personality Test

2006-11-16T19:43:00.000-05:00

I heard this quiz on Used Wigs Radio. Here are my answers.

1. My American Idol audition song would be:
Sinead O'Connor: "Nothing Compares to you"

2. If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when ....
I inconspicuously smell my armpits.

3. The Rat Packer I most identify with is: a) Frank Sinatra b) Sammy Davis Jr.
c) Dean Martin d) Peter Lawford
Sammy, because I would be a great black guy.

4. The first famous person I befriended:
Does not apply, but I would like to be friends with Gary Busey.

5a. Choose one: A) Demi Moore in Ghost B) Demi Moore in Striptease:
Striptease, because Patrick Swayze was not in it.

5b Choose one: A) Transformers B) G.I. Joe
Transformers, hands down. I wanted to be just like Optimus Prime when I grew up. Life can be disappointing sometimes.

6. What was your first concert?
Nine Inch Nails and Marylin Manson (Thanks Dena)

7. Pick a Jessica: A) Alba B) Simpson C) Biel D) Tandy
I pick Biel because she is a bad ass.

8. If I had to gain 30 pounds for a role, I would eat:
I think I'm all set for that part.

9. The first R-rated movie I saw:
I have no idea. National Lampoons European Vacation
was the first PG-13 movie I saw.

10. My porn name (childhood pet name + mothers maiden name) is:
Buster Long

Child Support.

2006-11-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

Let me start out be saying that I am all for child support.
I was reading an article the other day in which a man received a letter stating that he was being subpoenaed for a paternity test and my have to pay child support. This was the first the man had ever heard of this child. He had a one night stand with the woman in question 18 years ago. This is correct, this man had an 18 year old son that he knew nothing about.
I firmly believe a man should pay child support but I also think that he should start paying at birth or no later than age 7. This man missed out on any chance to be a father to this boy.

5 costumes that are not costumes.

2006-11-01T13:45:00.000-05:00

Rapper
Thug
Baller
Skater
Punk Rocker

Next year when kids wearing these costumes come to my house I am going to give them #2 pencils, or toothbrushes. I don't play those games with my candy, my candy is to good for non costumes. My candy is ballin and that is how I roll.

Special Edition DVDs are a lie..

2006-11-01T13:30:00.000-05:00

The DaVinci Code comes out November 14th and I cannot wait to see it. The Movie is coming out as a Special Edition 2 disc set, and I think its crap. How can a DVD come out, as many do, as a Special Edition if it is in fact to only edition. The only thing special about it at the point of release will be that it has been released. My rule of thumb is, if it is the only edition, it can't be a special edition. So listen here DaVinci Code, you are not as special as you think you are.

Sensual Cooking.

2006-10-29T17:39:00.000-05:00

I see it in movies and I have read about it.
Cooking can be a very sensual and erotic experience
for a couple. I agree that this can, in fact be true and
would like to experience it first hand. My wife and I made
Shrimp Scampi as a couple last night, preparing and cooking
together in our kitchen. I was looking forward to the sexual tension
to build while preparing, seasoning, cooking, and stirring our diner
together. deheading, peeling, and deviening shrimp is not in any way, shape, or
form erotic. I think next time we will just make pudding.

My Top Five Spices

2006-10-26T12:22:00.000-05:00

Garlic Salt
Pepper
Seasoned Salt
Old Bay
Crushed Red Pepper

My New Love...

2006-10-25T11:51:00.000-05:00

I tried the Spenda "Flavor Blends" this morning in my cup of Java. When I opened the pack of the Mocha flavor I instantly thought of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top. They are fantastic, I don't think that I will ever drink coffee without it ever again.
the only issue I have is that i still needed an additional pack of Spenda to reach my optimal sweetness level, but they tasted great. I give this product my seal of approval.

MY TEN FAVORITE 80s TELEVISION SHOWS..

2006-10-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

The A-Team
MacGyver
Knight Rider
Growing Pains
Silver Spoons
Cheers
A.L.F.
Who's The Boss
Webster
Max Headroom

ROLLIN ON CREDIT......

2006-10-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

Rent-n-Roll is a wheel shop here in town that has rent to own rims.
I will have no part in this.
I have rented an apartment, a house, and I may rent a tiller at some point but
rims..........not so much.

GOODBYE OLDIES 93.1

2006-10-05T06:54:00.000-05:00

As of noon yesterday Oldies 93.1 has switched to a country format. The station was originally an Adult Contemporary outlet (as 93 Mix) during the 1980s but switched to Oldies in 1990. It seems as though Greensboro will eventually only have Country and Rap, thank goodness I have A good Cd collection.

Thanks for the help.......

2006-10-02T12:23:00.000-05:00

My wife is seven and a half months pregnant. We will have a little baby girl in less than two months, and I would just like to say think you to everyone. Me and my wife did not realize that once the baby comes our lives would change dramatically. Thank you to all my coworkers, neighbors, strangers, etc. who have been kind enough to point this fact out to us repeatedly over the past 7 months. I don't know what we would have done without you. Had your unsolicited advice not been readily available i don't know how we could have possibly prepared.

My Last Meal....

2006-09-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

If I were on Death Row my top five meal choices would be:

Two McDonald's double cheese burger, chicken sandwich and a large fry, and a Southern Comfort on the rocks.
A 16oz. Ribeye, baked potato, sauteed mushrooms and onions, a salad with ranch dressing, and a Southern Comfort on the rocks.
My wife's Chicken Rotel, rolls and a Southern Comfort on the rocks.
A Philly steak and cheese from Ghassan's, curly fries, a small Greek salad, and A Southern Comfort on the rocks.
A Spaghetti Works pizza with garlic cheese bread from Pieworks, and a Southern Comfort on the rocks.

I am a "Sun Sneezer"

2006-09-25T11:10:00.000-05:00

I always sneeze when I look at the sun or a very bright light.
I have often wondered why. It is called Photic Sneeze Reflex.
There is an Article about it @ Wikipedia.com
It only happens in 17%-25% of people and is more common
with Caucasians.

The Tart Wars...

2006-09-20T11:40:00.000-05:00

My wife and I are part of a secret society that prefers "Toaster Pastries" over "Pop-tarts"

2006-09-19T11:49:00.000-05:00

8 Important Lessons Learned from '80s Cartoons

CARTOON: The Smurfs
LESSON: Communism works!
For naysayers who point to the Former Soviet Union as proof that communism is inherently flawed, may we merely direct your attention to Smurf Village, where everyone shares everything, wears similar utilitarian clothing, battles Gargamel and his turn-Smurfs-to-gold get rich quick schemes and obeys the dictates of a bearded, red hat-wearing, benevolent authority figure. Quoth Comrade Papa: “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” Really, he actually said that.
How it affected us as adults: Secret communist agendas ceased being dangerous, or really any adjective of consequence, years ago. The worst thing communism does these days is make Ivy League students waste a couple of years wearing ugly clothes and attending boring meetings. However, the sexual politics of Smurf Village, with its one female for every 30 guys, did go a long way towards preparing us for freshman year of college.

CARTOON: Popeye
LESSON: Spinach is good for you.
Sure, it doesn’t taste as good as candy, ice cream or opium, but it’s full of essential vitamins and minerals that’ll make your muscles explode like battleship cannons. If you want to triumph over the bullying Blutos of the world and win the affections of your own lovely, leggy Olive Oyl, pound a can of spinach at least once a day. Or put it in your corncob pipe and smoke it, like everybody’s favorite ornery, mumbling sailorman. Toot toot!
How it affected us as adults: You only need to look at the steroid scandal rocking Major League Baseball to see that Popeye raised a generation that is willing to use performance enhancers. Also, it should be pointed out that Olive Oyl was the first anorexic sex symbol.

CARTOON: G.I. Joe
LESSON: Knowing is half the battle.
The other half of the battle is kicking Cobra’s terrorist ass. And with the coolest soldier codenames ever --Snake Eyes, Duke, Lady Jaye, Shipwreck-- winning the war on terror should be no problem. Good will always win out over evil, because good guys work together (Team Work! Cooperation!), while bad guys are ruthless cowards who turn tail and run whenever G.I. Joe’s laser guns get to zappin’. As Sergeant Slaughter once said: “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we.”
Now that’s some good strategery.
How it affected us as adults: Actually, we’re pretty certain that our strategy for the Iraq War was conceived after a two day long G.I. Joe marathon in the Pentagon. They just implicitly trusted that the good guys were going to win, that firing off our guns would make the bad guys run for the caves and that giving everyone cute nicknames was somehow endearing. When things didn’t turn out the way they’d planned, the administration placed the blame on faulty intelligence, or in other words: “Knowing is half the battle, and we unfortunately didn’t know shit.”

CARTOON: Scooby Doo
LESSON: Trust no one.
Those phantoms in the fog are actually malevolent hicks, dressed up as ghosts to scare you off their spooky farm. That monster hiding in the attic is actually old man McGee, trying to find the treasure buried in the floorboards. And that happy-go-lucky frat boy, Fred, is actually a bloodthirsty killer. Don’t turn your back on him. Or the girls. Or your dog
…Or maybe we’ve just been spending too much time in the Mystery Machine, and got a little contact high paranoia. Hey, it happens. You want a Scooby Snack? Yeah, it is dog food. So what? You’re really harshing my mellow man. What are you, a narc?
How it affected us as adults: We can’t be certain, but it would appear that our habit of, upon being dumped, grabbing hold of our ex-girlfriends’ chin and yanking upward, started with this show.

CARTOON: He-Man
LESSON: It’s OK to be gay.
Look at this guy: golden locks cut in a tasteful bob, buff biceps, tanned, toned, hairless torso, a magic sword and most importantly, fabulous powers. What’s more, He-Man invites his handsome friends, the Masters of the Universe, to come hang out in his castle anytime. Of course Skeletor and his fugly cohorts are never allowed access to the secrets of He-Man’s dark, dry palace.
Yes, we had He-Man toys, like Ram-Man, Trap-Jaw and even Castle Grayskull. We also had a favorite pair of tighty whiteys that had He-Man on one cheek and Skeletor on the other, battling over our asshole. But did merely owning and wearing that underwear make us gay?
How it affected us as adults: As regards the above question, it’s a very complex matter, but in a word: yes. (For more on depictions of homosexuality in '80s cartoons, please see Care Bears.)

CARTOON: Jem
LESSON: Grrrls rock!
OK, this was more our sister’s show, but we certainly watched it on more than one occasion, and learned that chicks with guitars and magic earrings kick ass. Jem is a sexy feminist living every young girl’s dream: music executive by day and rock star by night. She has it all: a bubblegum pop band called The Holograms, a boyfriend in love with both her and her alter ego and, for some reason, a foster home for orphans. In addition to teaching us how much grrrls rock, Jem also taught us that love triangles between only two people are often messy, confusing and potentially hilarious.
What? You’ve never seen Jem? Oh. Neither have we.
How it affected us as adults: Let’s just say the matching restraining orders filed against us by Debbie Gibson and Joan Jett didn’t happen on their own.

CARTOON: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
LESSON: April O’Neil is really hot.
She’s got red hair, wears a sexy yellow jumpsuit and gets down with anthropomorphic pizza-fiends. Most girls want nothing to do with dudes that live in the sewers, but not April O’Neil. She doesn’t even mind hanging with that old man-rat wearing a pink kimono! This girl is a freak, for real. I’ve got one word for you dude: cowabunga. Cowabunga that chick in your underground lair all night long.
How it affected us as adults: Mistakenly thought our girlfriend would be cool with it if we called them dude, ate nothing but pizza and wore a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask during sex.

CARTOON: Transformers
LESSON: If we’re not careful, robots will kill us all.
This is a humbling lesson for any child to learn, but an easy one to accept, considering Transformers was one of the coolest cartoons of the '80s. Would the Unabomber have renounced his violent ways if he were to witness the sheer stunning spectacle that is Grimlock? Hard to say, since he didn’t have a TV. But we will tell you one thing: when machines replace humans at the top of the food chain, we’ll be standing on the sidelines, waving our Autobot flag with fervent pride. Because, let’s face it, getting eaten by an alien car would suck.
How it affected us as adults: The reason we stay away from Priuses and make our TV wear a blindfold when we sleep at night.

i stole this from cracked.com Ethan Ryan wrote it.

I FINALLY FELT IT!!

2006-09-15T11:52:00.000-05:00

I finally felt my daughter kick this morning. For the past few months she has been moving around and Jenn "my wife" will tell me to feel. As soon as I go to touch her belly she will stop moving. This morning laying in bed a put my hand and head on her belly for a few moments and Bam!, right to the face. She kicked about five times. It was just about the coolest thing I have ever been witness to. She might be the first female NFL punter.

Rockstar Supernada...

2006-09-14T09:59:00.000-05:00

Supernova has picked Lukas Rossi as its frontman. His convulsive performances and throaty lyrics make it hard for me to enjoy watching him at all. I don't think they will get any farther than the hype will carry them.

She ain't no hollaback girl...

2006-07-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

I found out that I am having a daughter today, she is so beautiful. She has all her fingers and toes, all her vital organs, and a solid heartbeat. She does seem, at this point to have a largely disproportionate head, and she is only about 9 inches long but I think that come time for
her to be born, that will have all worked itself out. I thought I really wanted a boy but now that I know its a girl, I am as happy as I can be. I just hope that she wont miss her imaginary tea parties to much while I'm teaching her to play golf.

100 Things About Me

2006-06-26T15:08:00.001-05:00

1. I am named after my father.

2. I am currently 29 years old.

3. I was born in Greensboro, NC at Wesley Long Hospital sometime in the very early A.M.

4. I am a Gemini which is Latin for twin.

5. The twin Stars being referred to are Castor and Pollux.

6. Castor and Pollux Troy are Nicholas Cage and Alessandro Nivola's characters names in Face Off.

7. My birthstone is the pearl

8. I do not wear pearls.

9. My birth flower is the rose.

10. I have a little sister whose life was made more difficult, by me, for the first 16 years of her life.

11. I can and will drink a pint of chocolate milk faster than you if you have the nerve to challenge me.

12. My favorite color is green.

13. My favorite green is Kelly green.

14. I do not enjoy watching black & white movies.

15. At the age of sixteen I suddenly, and for no reason became scared of the ocean.

16. I will get a sunburn even if I am "slathered" in SPF80.

17. I have picked up a hitchhiker.

18. I am fascinated with Jews even though I do not know a Jew, have no knowledge of their culture or religion and do not have the desire to learn about it.

19. I am fascinated with Ninjas even though I do not know a Ninja, have no knowledge of their culture and do not have the desire to learn about it.

20. If I were a superhero I would be Wolverine.

21. If I could be any animal it would be a Newfoundland, a black Newfoundland.

22. I have never murdered anyone.

23. I own over 50 Zippo lighters.

24. I do not smoke.

25. I was vegetarian for about 3 years.

26. I was vegan for about 2 years.

27. I was crazy for about 5 years.

28. My favorite food is Mexican

29. My favorite Mexican food is Chimichangas.

30. I will not talk to the hand.

31. Whatever is not a valid argument of excuse.

32. I do not presume to know how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

33. I prefer a biscuit to a Croissan'wich.

34. Ranch is my preferred salad dressing followed in distant second by Thousand Island.

35. I love my wife with everything I am.

36. Fight Club is the best movie ever made.

37. I saw Fight Club in theaters 7 times.

38. The first rule of fight club is: you don't talk about fight club.

39. Chuck Palahniuk is my favorite author.

40. Contrary to what you my have heard, Mcleansville, NC is awesome.

41. I live in Mcleansville, NC

42. Golf is my favorite pass time.

43. Golf is my favorite sport.

44. Golf is a sport.

45. I am a fairly poor golfer.

46. The previous statement is my driver, putter, fairway woods, and irons fault. Not mine.

47. My dad can beat up your dad.

48. I do not like to shave.

49. The only movie that I ever walked out of in theaters was Beverly Hills Ninja.

50. The only musicals I have ever seen were, Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music.

51. I have never watched a musical that I was not forced to watch.

52. If it has peanut butter in it is good.

53. Pearl Jam's best album was their self titled album.

54. Sharpie pens are the best.

55. I studied Sanskrit for a few months.

56. I am left handed.

57. I play golf right handed.

58. I am a gadget junkie.

59. My Grandmother was a saint.

60. I went to a strip club for one bachelor party.

61. Strip clubs are stupid.

62. I have attention deficit disorder.

63. I have attention deficit disorder.

64. My milkshake has never ever brought the boys to the yard and it is doubtful that is ever will.

65. I am fascinated by pop culture.

66. Zach, my Sunday school teacher, has a more developed vocabulary than me.

67. Zach will not be disinclined to convey this.

68. CSI Las Vegas is my favorite CSI.

69. My high school years were spent trying my best to look like Roach from Point Break.

70. I was never big on getting into mosh-pits, only watching them.

71. I went to elementary school with a guy named Chauncy.

72. Chauncey is a great name.

73. Peanut Butter deserts are my weakness.

74. Back to school shopping as a child was so awesome.

75. I have been infected by and subsequently been cured from cooties at least 50 times.

76. Black mutt dogs from the pound are the best king of dog.

77. Drinking out of a glass scares me unless it has a thick rim.

78. From about 12-21 years of age I wanted to be an assassin when I grew up.

79. If I am going to actually write on notebook paper, it's college rule, every time.

80. I take pride in my lawn.

81. Watching movies is probably my favorite pass time.

82. I will probably/hopefully never own a pet fish, ferret, gerbil, hamster, snake, or spider.

83. I love Washington D.C.

84. I love taking pictures, people being my least favorite thing to photograph.

85. My favorite beer is Shinerbock.

86. My favorite soda is Diet Mountain Dew.

87. My favorite milk is chocolate.

88. My favorite type of wine is a Reisling.

89. Craftsman and Black & Decker are my preferred brands when tool shopping, Stanley is good too.

90. I'll take quality over quantity almost every time.

91. My parents mean the world to me.

92. I draft stuff for a living, I am a draftsman/person.

93. I am not very political.

94. I hope there are major medical advancements before I have to get a prostate exam.

95. Super Mario brothers is the best video game ever.

96. I hope to one day master the skill of dishwasher loading

97. Dishwasher unloading is a skill with which I would probably be a 3rd degree purple belt if you could in fact have a purple belt in dishwasher unloading. I think green might be the highest belt you can achieve.

98. If I had a dollar for every time I................ yeah I don't like that saying.

99. Dolls whose eye lids open and close depending on how you hold them is real creepy.

100. I am always right when my wife is wrong.

Words of encouragement....

2006-06-06T06:53:00.000-05:00

I hope no one gets possessed by the Devil today,
or has there child push them over the banister.

Cars I've owned.

2006-04-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

A list of cars that I have owned. Years are included if I remember them. Owned may mean they were my primary source of transportation, or would be if properly restored but was not necessarily the title holder.

65 Ford Thunderbird
65 Ford Galaxy 500
64 Ford Mustand
78 Chevy Malibu Classic
80 Jeep CJ5
89 Honda CRX
87 Jeep Wrangler
85 Cadillac Eldorado
85 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser Stationwagon
91 Honda Civic Hatchback
03 Nissan Frontier Crewcab

Welcome to this world.

2006-04-11T11:20:00.000-05:00

Now that is a good looking kid if I must say so.

Our child is almost 9 weeks old.
I never thought that I would start feeling so paternal
so quickly. It's a pretty awsome feeling to know that
you are going to be a parent.

My boys can swim!!

2006-04-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

I am going to be a father!